One Nation Under God

America started when some pilgrims came from England (thats near London and Paris). They didnt have much, only their dream of a better future and a life where they could make their own religious TV broadcasts without the constraints of taste and decency.

When they had killed and eaten most of the Injuns (celebrated every year as thanksgiving), God looked down on them and gave them the fruitful harvest of all the buffalo, which they killed and ate too.

They were just about to have a nice cup of tea when the nasty brits wanted more taxes. So we started a patriotic revolution about the tax on tea, which we won, but not after Mel Gibson had made a few rousing speeches that always bring a tear to the eye of my dear old momma.

With a bunch of slaves shipped in from Africa the pilgrim fathers were able to build some of the world's finest cotton plantations. The Irish became the world's best dustmen and it wasn't long before the pilgrim fathers realised they hadnt got any porn, so they invaded california. It was in this battle that John Wayne died defending the Alamo from a whole bunch of mexicans, who hated the U S of A for its Freedom.

We saved limey Ass

We keep on saving limey ass. In world war two when we were fighting the Viet-cong we stopped the satanic squinty eyed hordes from crossing the atlantic and invading Europe. Elvis Presley and JFK were both heroes in this battle, single handedly routing the Nazis at Iwo Jima. I saw a film with Tom Cruise in it too and that was very informative, luckily we have yes sirree the best medicare in the world for famous people, and we were able to glue both his legs back on in time for him to save limey ass again in vietnam where he wins the battle of britain and captures some communist documents in a uboat. It totally rocks.

We didn't lose Vietnam

No sir! thats a lie made by the gun-control lobby, who have signed a pact with Beelzebub to stop God's faithful defending themselves from Satan and goblins. If every household in the USA had a firearm, those damned invading gooks would never have been able to steal any vietnams from us, no sir!

Then 9/11 happened

We all remember what sort of burger or hotdog we were eating that terrible day when we heard the news.