The Cobra Tapes

The following is an extract of a leaked top secret interrogation and was passed to us by an employee of CDV Software at great personal risk to himself.

Some of you will remember GD Cobra. Last seen many months ago, it was assumed he had disappeared up his own asshole, but this chilling account puts a whole sinister new spin on the subject of his whereabouts…

(Sounds of a Door opening, and closing, Jackboots on concrete Followed by a chair being dragged and placed on floor).

CDV: So ... Cobra is it?
Cobra: That is my screen name, yes.
CDV: I trust you ver not harmed by my men?
Cobra:: Well actually ye-
CDV: Silence! (slapping sound).
CDV: You vill answer only ze questions zat I ask. Is zat clear?
Cobra: Ye-
CDV: Schweinhund! (slapping sound)

CDV: Now zat we understand each other, I vish you to tell me about a certain Sudden strike Clan zat has come to my attention. (sound of heels clicking sharply) Not now you idiot!
Cobra: I only have to tell you my screen and IP address!
CDV: I see, very well. Guard! (more jackboots on concrete)

CDV: Do you see the doll of JaJa Binks zat my associate is holding?
Cobra: Ye… yes.
CDV: Well, if you do not co-operate…. zen it will be destroyed!
Cobra: Good God man, you're bluffing. You can't!
CDV: I can, und I vill!!!
Cobra: Ok, ok. I'll tell you anything!
CDV: Zat is better Herr cobra, it will be easier for both of us zis way. Zigarerette?
Cobra: Thanks.
CDV: Tell me Herr Cobra, What do the initials GD represent? I am most curious…
Cobra: They stand for the glorious GrossDachshund Division!
CDV: Is it true that you are a member of this…GD?
Cobra: Not anymore.
CDV: Mmm, why not?
Cobra: They called me Gaylord and they take drugs.
CDV: I have visited zeir web site. Zey talk much about lederhosen.
Cobra:Eer, yes.
CDV: Und you find zis amusing?!
Cobra:: I didn't. But they seemed to.
CDV: And vot do you think of zeir Panzer porn?
Cobra:: I have never seen it, my net nanny wont let me
CDV: Zen tell me about ze other members of zis clan…
Cobra:: They are a bit of a coarse bunch.
CDV: War can change men, I have seen it countless times. Don't you think that I too yearn for peace? Zat I don't dream of ze day ven I can put aside my mouse und return to my family vith my head held high?
Cobra: Your gay, you are.
CDV: I see you can take ze man out of ze GD, but you cannot take ze GD out of ze man.
Cobra: Why are you looking at me like that?
CDV: Vot do you know of zis DR jeep? He is your ringleader, yes?
Cobra: Don't make me talk about him! I would be a dead man!
CDV: Zat is a shame, und you vere doin so well ...